Living on a sinking island. A disillusioned Cypriot bares it all...

I have an allergy, and it’s to my country! Having gone out for dinner last night in what I thought was one of the only consistently good restaurants in the city of Limassol, and having returned highly annoyed at the terrible service and quality of food (yet again), I woke up this morning unable to go back to sleep, feeling almost ashamed at myself for continuing to live in a community that disagrees with me on almost every level. It’s early on a chilly Sunday morning, and the only solution for my allergic reaction to my dissatisfied and disappointed experiences recently is to write about it.

Scrolling through local online posts, I was overwhelmed by all the negativity around me - it seems my fingers are not the only ones just itching to write about it. Part of me wants to immediately set up a journalistic website to expose the current affairs of this country, to create a platform which offers people the chance to share their concerns, opinions and experiences on the food and restaurant industry in Cyprus, but then I think to myself, why stop there? The problem is not just epicurean. When I open my eyes and ears (for lack of a better expression) everything seems to suck on this island. The whole nation needs a complete make-over, a deep-rooted change, in order to progress and enter this new millennium. Will an idealistic ‘glass door’ project truly make any difference?

There is a part of me that is patriotic – or perhaps I wish there were. What I mean to say is that I do have a side of my character that believes in Cyprus and wants to change things for the better, not only for myself right now, but for my family, and future generations to come. When I first moved here from abroad over 10 years ago, having spend a large portion of my life in foreign, civilized nations, I was shocked at how backward and useless this place was. I know it sounds harsh, but I had no idea how incapacitated our citizens were, and how helpless one could feel. I felt – and still do – that I had stepped back in time 30 years, to a country which was still in many ways developing, that somehow is legally part of the European Union, but that has yet in many ways to prove it is worthy of this title. It is arguably fair to say we are extremely behind out here. Yes, I may be somewhat displaced, being of mixed backgrounds and having lived around the world all my life, but I grew up here, and Cyprus has always been my home. Unfortunately, my home is on what I fear is a ‘sinking’ island. We may not experience tsunamis and typhoons, but we are very slowly (maybe too slow to notice), sinking to the depths of despair.

We may be gradually drowning under the surface, but not all the issues we face are superficial. It's not just the traffic and the lack of choice that irritates me. We are suffocated by the constraints of monopoly. Everything firstly is overpriced: just look at our inflated real estate and household bills, which everyone is furious about (but most do not do anything about). What’s worse, is that nothing is worth the steep price it comes in. Quality of products and nation-wide service is beyond poor, and the worst thing about the whole situation is that nobody cares. Most people do not even complain when they go out and have to drive around for ages looking for a non-existent parking spot in our cramped downtown areas, only to eat overpriced, untasty food, and experience the ignorance and rudeness of staff everywhere. For the ones who do complain or try to communicate their experiences to others, whether it be in frustration or in an attempt to improve things, they are left feeling like a goldfish in a toxic fishbowl, going around in circles in vain, never getting anywhere, slowly being poisoned.

Human nature is not evolving. Quite the opposite I would say. I feel with each year I live here that we are heading in the opposite direction. The other day I went for a walk on the beach, saw a café’s disgusting mess of beach umbrellas swept up by the tide, lying dangerously broken on our beautiful shores, with piles of rubbish around, and dilapidated remains of the summer café strewn on the seaside. How can a known establishment get away with this, and how can the board of the municipality ignore it? Isn’t there someone to take responsibility for this environmental hazard? Why am I the only one taking pictures of the mess and sending it to the authorities, so they can clear up their act? How disrespectful can people get, littering their environments and not even caring that they themselves are walking amongst the garbage they leave behind? The beach path along the ancient Amathus area, a place which thousands of years ago was already civilized and admired, lies in ruins, uncivilized and even dangerous, due to the declining and polluting nature of a heartless and insensitive nation.

When I first moved back here, having lived in places like the UK and Canada for years before, I was disappointed and surprised to find a severe lack of recycling in Cyprus. I tried to raise awareness. I put together a team of volunteers to shoot a documentary film, exposing the issues but also promoting those who are trying to make a change for the better. I conducted many interviews, covered many festivals, and I even prepared a website to raise awareness and promote our efforts. I was ready to face the issues and make a difference. At the time I had some enthusiastic supporters. But then the island’s financial crisis hit, and unfortunately I had several challenges to face as a freelancer, thus I was tempted into accepting a full-time writer’s position in a forex company (another story for another day). As a result, sadly, I paused my efforts at environmental activism as I simply did not have any time or energy to proceed at that moment. Life took over, the pause became more permanent and my focus strayed elsewhere for a few years, as I tried to get used to working in what can only be described as mostly unprofessional offices, run by amateurs who take themselves too seriously. I felt the dream of completing that documentary slowly slipping away. As time passed, I felt more and more like it was a waste of energy (excuse the pun) for me to bother making an environmental film, that no matter how hard I tried, things would never improve on this island. I am embarrassed to say after years of trying to push recycling in the city, both at home and in the office, today I live in an area where there is no recycling pick-up and my efforts have dwindled. I remember with regret the wonderful ideas I had, footage I shot, and support I received, and feel devastated that I failed to ‘pay it back’.

Torn between extreme feelings of hope and pessimism I succumb to the futility of it all. My desire to change the world is buried away. I would call myself indecisive by nature but living out here has only made it worse. Perhaps it is the Gemini in me, but I am often pulled in different directions, simultaneously, drawn by opposing magnets of motivation and helplessness. No wonder I am passive these days. No wonder I feel as though I am suspended in mid-air. Am I doomed to face a depressing future, with no chance of escape?

Sun-loving tourists who flock here each year would be surprised to know that road rage, money-laundering, terrible infrastructure, useless politics, lethargy, suffering, pollution, corruption are but a few of the realities we face today on this island, a place that was once renowned as the island of love. Where is the love, I ask? Where are the people who love and care about each other, who cherish the soil beneath their feet? Where have they disappeared to?!

If my generation is already ten times worse that the last, what hope is there for the next generation to come? How can anyone with a conscience even raise a child in today’s society? Those who do have principles find it a daily struggle to integrate themselves into society. It is a constant battle to try and live your life morally, the way you deserve, on an island where people dump garbage outside their own front doors, drive dangerously like they are the only ones on the road, breaking the law and ignoring all the rules. All I see around me is an increasingly lazy, apathetic bunch of people misbehaving immaturely, with zero respect for their peers and fellow citizens. 

I am not trying to imply that I am superior to others here. This is not a personal attempt to slam everyone and the place I live in for no reason.  This is me so fed up with everything, that I simply cannot just sit around and moan about it. This is me trying to bring a voice to the problem. I prefer to write about the issue. Yes, I am still complaining in a way, but I prefer to express in words how I feel, because I know there are others out there who may share similar experiences. Only by reaching out can we truly connect and find a way, together, to shake things up, and turn things around. Am I naive to crave a future where things work better? To believe that the entire mentality of a nation can change? 

Years ago, I worked hard to hold a solo painting exhibition to bring awareness to Cypriots about water shortages and the desertification of our island. I was passionate, I was driven. The media covered it, people of importance attended. I gave proceeds of the sales of my paintings to charity. It was what you would call a success. But did it make a difference? Hard to tell. Years later, despite everything I have described here, I truly wonder if there is a point. I hope that there is hope for a better future, but I am simply not sure. 

If you are not happy with the way things are here, there seems to be only one alternative, one which so many people take: to leave this island and move somewhere else, where things have been proven to operate smoothly. So if you ask me personally, "what are you still doing here, why haven’t you moved already?", the answer is that part of me fears that if I do leave, I may never return, which is sad, because at the end of the day, Cyprus is my home… despite all its drawbacks.  I have a history with this country, a love-hate relationship, and I don’t want to give up on it just yet. Is that a tiny glimmer of hope I detect in me?

So, I try to ignore the fact that where I live the roads flood when it rains – as there is no proper drainage – and there is never anywhere to park (and even if there was, people would still park on pavements and halfway sticking out into main roads). I try to look past the fact that the postal service is a joke (we literally have to go to the supermarket to see if there is any post waiting for us there, until the village hires a new postman as the last one was fired because he simply demanded a reasonable wage). But I run out of excuses when it comes to the architecture which can only be described as an ugly concrete jungle: there is no harmony whatsoever in our urban landscape, with towers popping up everywhere for no other reason that to provide internationals with European passports (which they are entitled to should they buy multi-million properties out here). People disregard the fact that they have neighbours, playing loud music well into the early hours of the morning, police being bribed to stay away, workers making noise outside reasonable working hours, and people on the roads in the middle of the night yelling at the top of their lungs, waking up entire neighbourhoods with no consideration. Municipalities do nothing about simple problems (parks are left desolate, speed bumps could prevent accidents, bins could help with litter) which could not only be easily solved but prevent further disasters. Pets are abandoned and neglected (is that even a surprise when most people treat each other like animals?), and people think they can hire and fire without any consequence, or not pay people what they are owed.

I may be grasping at straws here, but I still in some way value where I live: in a temperate climate with sunshine, a relatively safe place, with short distances - what most people would agree is an easy life. I am grateful for some things, but does that mean I should sit back and accept all the ways in which my country is failing? Should I follow the majority and turn a blind eye? I want to be proud to be Cypriot (which unfortunately these days I am not). I love the island itself, but it’s the people who make a place and I fear that the Cypriot people (and those who they let into their country too) are simply ruining an island with natural beauty and potential. Should Cyprus have been run and populated by another culture or people, it may have seen better days. 

Not to discredit in anyway those brave few who are actually taking action to save their island in ways that are important to them. Some of them are locals who I am proud to know personally, some of whom I am lucky enough to call my friends. Their daily struggle and incessant optimism truly inspires me on the days I need it most. I want to be like them. I used to be like them. It is in my nature as a struggling artist to fight for everything and stand up for myself and those I love. I believe in facing obstacles along the way and I do not think that taking the easy route and running away from your problems is the solution. But overcoming difficulties is one thing, headbutting against a brick wall is another.

On the brink of despair, right now my daily struggle is with myself. Do I search deep inside and find the energy and will to take a step towards a better tomorrow on this forsaken island where I already feel so jaded? Or do I search elsewhere and use my energy more effectively taking a step off the island towards another future, someplace else which hasn’t yet been tarnished by negative personal experiences? It’s a decision I find too hard to make, ironically because I know that it’s the hard decisions in life that are the important, life-changing ones. As I search to find my way out of the clouded, uncertain future that is my life in Cyprus, and to make sense of it all, I voice my opinion and encourage others to do the same and reach out. Let’s encourage empathy and remind each other that we are not alone in our struggle. Sharing both our positive and negative experiences might help, and it might not, but at least we will know what we are facing, and that there are others out there who feel the same way.