2012 MY DIARY - JAN 2 - emotional detoxing

Monday January 2nd 2012

Detoxing is hard. The hardest day is always the first, when the craving is strong, when habits are still so firmly imprinted in you that they seem impossible to change. Change is the ultimate goal, the biggest challenge to face, because detoxing is simply another way to change your life by ridding yourself of things you are normally used to which are not good for you.
A detox diet is hard enough when it comes to ridding the body of physical toxins – like sugar and alcohol, caffeine and nicotine - but even harder when attempting to rid it of emotional poisons. There are those people who we have grown accustomed to in our lives to whom we turn, speak or see regularly – but are they really good for us? Perhaps those people we have become somewhat attached to are actually hazardous to our emotional well-being. Maybe they throw stones at our spiritual walls and leave us with large gaping holes, or perhaps they abuse us in ways that are not obvious, silently chipping away at the paint, exposing the cement beneath, slowly picking at our emotional well-being, until there is nothing left. There is no denying that there exists such a thing as a poisonous relationship, and ridding your self of it will no doubt make you mentally healthier.
The first few days, weeks even, will be torture – there is no avoiding that. But what will keep you going is the knowledge deep down that it is for the best. After all, you would not be detoxing if you were not sure that all the suffering you will put yourself through will be worth it, that you will be better off at the end of the day. Deep down you know that you need to free yourself of the emotional and physical addictions in your life, so you can experience true freedom of body and mind, and thus true health and happiness.
How do you identify the toxic relationship, the person you need to detox from? They are the one who you turn to when you need something, but who don’t actually do you any good at the end of the day. Like a drink to an alcoholic, they are a shot of vodka when you feel reckless. Like a cigarette to a smoker, they are nicotine to calm you down, like sex to a sex addict, they give you a high when you feel low, like drugs to a drug addict, they provide a distraction from your own loneliness and depression, a boost when you feel down. But like all those things, they come with undesirable consequences too. Your obsessive compulsive behavior towards them is a clue that your involvement with them is toxic, and this is further confirmed by the withdrawal symptoms you experience when you are unable to speak/see/be with them. This person will have you in some sort of trap, a sort of endless cycle, and only with the detox can this destructive catch-22 end. Only when you have completely eliminated them from your life can you be independent and responsible for your own happiness. Only then do you have the power to control your life and steer it in the direction you wish.
Detoxing may be excruciating at times, but if you have tried it before and succeeded, you will know that it is worth it. That is works. Every detox is a little different depending on the object of elimination, but the test of endurance is always same. You will suffer, but feel better for it in the end. Whether it is food, drink or other substances, emptying or detaching your body from it all, will help cleanse your mind, and clearing your mind will in turn help purify your heart and soul. Finally, the decontamination of your heart, the distillation of your soul will help get rid of the hurt, pain, worry, angst, fear, anger and sadness that are clogging up your arteries and blocking your spiritual sensors. Only when you are entirely empty again, can you begin to fill yourself up with good, nutritious, consoling and healthy energy, be it in the form of physical or emotional sustenance.
Detoxing is hard, but necessary. Who wouldn’t want to better themselves, be happier and healthier? I don’t want to be attached or addicted, I don’t want to be a slave to anything or anyone… ever again. Which is why I choose to detox, now. I can envision myself lighter and feel myself freer already.